Financial Abuse
I’ve made several references to financial abuse on this site, but thought I would take the time in this blog post to provide some examples and further explanation. If you have reviewed Judith’s list (in Supporting Information), you can see the leveraging of money, food, gifts, etc. took place throughout our entire childhood.
When I went no contact in 2015, I began receiving checks. The first check was shortly after I ended communication. I don’t remember the exact amount; I believe it was somewhere between $3,000-$5,000. I ripped that check in half. I knew what it was. Months later, I found blocked voice messages from Beth.
I had an extremely odd, creepy sounding voicemail from her. She was saying she owed us $2,000 for Jack (my husband) helping her move a table. She insisted she owed it and had to get it to us because that’s what she agreed to and she had to keep her agreements. Sounds nice, but there was no agreement. When we were still in contact, they asked Jack to help move a heavy table from one of their houses to a truck. It did not take long and there was absolutely no discussion of payment. I ignored the message.
A couple weeks later at work, I return to my desk and a co-worker hands me an envelope. I immediately recognized Beth’s handwriting and my body froze up with tension. Inside was a $2,000 dollar check and a card explaining she owed it to us for moving a table.
At this point I was long used to financial manipulation and extremely sick of it. I thought about cutting it up again, but I wanted to do something that would stop this in the future. I thought about giving it to charity, but I would have to cash it to do so. Then it dawned on me. The perfect idea. The day before, a good friend had called crying about an unplanned pregnancy and wondering how she would afford her mortgage during her maternity leave. I called her and explained it would be a tremendous favor if she would let me sign this check over to her. She said no many times, but finally accepted when I fully explained why she was helping me by taking it. Once she cashed it, Jack e-mailed them and told them we gave their money away and would do that with each and every financial “gift.” We never received a check again.
Another example is they once had Rose call me and say they would write Owen (my son) into their will for “$10 million dollars” if I communicated with them. I didn’t respond to this. To be honest, I don’t think they actually have $10 million. Their wealth seems to fluctuate based upon what they want to present (we can’t afford to help Rose, yet “rich” projection and varying claims of net worth). I can see from their assets online that they could have easily helped my sister regardless.
This financial abuse played out with Rose throughout her entire life. She was unable to gain independence. They kept her tied to them through threats. Shortly before she died, Rose told me Beth was threatening to stop payments on her probation fees, which would result in jail-time, if she kept talking to me. They threatened to cut off her electricity, take her car, stop paying rent, etc. to earn compliance. Rose’s history with the law and lack of financial resources landed her in a no-win situation.
Her financial abuse was further amplified by how it played out with friends and the men in her life. Rose was never healthy, so unfortunately most of the men she dated, and even lived with at times, were not either. I don’t think it was possible to fully control whether Rose dated. Knowing that, Beth and Gary used their wealth to buy the people in Rose’s life. Most of the men she dated were easily exploited by their addictions to drugs or alcohol. Beth and Gary would give these men money for rent and/or their vices. They would then predictably invalidate my sister when she tried to talk about the abuse. This further ensnared Rose in self-doubt. I saw this pattern repeat many times.
This unfortunately also became the case for many of Rose’s friends. One friend from middle school (Chelsea) heard about the knife-chasing from Rose. She didn’t believe her. Judith and I both called Chelsea in early 2024 and extensively validated the abuse we all endured. I spoke with her on the phone for an hour, where at the time, she expressed dismay for how she had treated Rose. Months later, she messaged me for an Ambien on Facebook and admitted Beth told her to ask me for it. I felt this was a set up for me to do something illegal. I of course declined, sensing the danger. I asked Chelsea why she was still communicating with Beth and Gary. She cried to me that Beth had been sending her such nice gifts and she didn’t have her own parents. After Rose died, she aggressively messaged me trying to reconnect me with Beth and Gary.
I warned her that she could become Rose’s “replacement.” I have seen this money and gift giving pattern repeat many times. Typically, Beth and Gary will expose their abusive nature to the recipients, but not until dependence is achieved. I described this dynamic to Beth’s best friend (Myrtle) at the request of Rose (who was living on and off with Rose). She didn’t listen, continued to invalidate my sister, and take their money. After Rose died, Myrtle’s son messaged me to express condolences and stated his mother was as “crazy” as mine and his reasons for being no contact with her. That made it clear convincing Myrtle of anything was a futile effort.
Rose also had a friend named Keith. She sent me messages before she died saying Keith hated our parents and knew Beth was “crazy.” After Rose died, I saw him posting sympathetic condolences for THEM on her obituary. I then learned from another friend of Rose that Keith was gifted Rose’s car for his teen daughter. I reached out with irrefutable evidence that Rose was abused. He responded that he knows about the abuse Rose endured, but the car has nothing to do with changing his perspective, and it was insulting to suggest otherwise. He never gave an alternate reason for why his opinion changed other than “they lost their daughter.” I don’t understand how that negates all knowledge of the way Rose was treated.
I have seen this money and gifting pattern play out exhaustively. It seems to always change opinions, yet they are insulted when asked if gifts from Beth and Gary changed their opinion. Every time.
Most recently, in the fall of 2025, Gary has been sending texts that somehow have crossed my block. My husband cannot explain it and he is great with technology. These texts come after I directly accused him of threatened and attempted filicide in a message and they told me my beloved sister was strangled when there were no marks on her neck. Please see. these messages in Supporting Information. These texts say directly “we’re not putting you in the will unless you have a relationship with us” and that I must respond by a specific date (ignored) to be in their will. It appears he is comfortable putting in writing that he will disinherit his own grandchild based on what I do or don’t do. I always knew he was that petty and haven’t counted on being written into the inheritance in a long time. I know these messages have to do with the fact that he is aware I have accumulated enough documentation to prove a lifetime of severe abuse. The offer (bribe) now? No thanks, I will not betray my sister.